It's been a year since I've had this blog and I feel kind of nostalgic, when I started I had such a different idea of what I wanted, is still kind of like the same: a cool personal and artistic blog, but I feel like my definition of the last three adjectives has radically changed. I know I haven't post any pictures of myself in a while just because I'm a bit of a perfectionist and I always feel like it's always not good enough to go on here or practically I'm always postponing it for better times, but what made me just do it was a anon that I received on tumblr a few days ago :
"I wish you appeared more in your blog, the connection is missing"
I felt that like a huge wake up call, cause the world personal, was in my descriptive goal for this blog, I need to put myself in this blog in order for it to be cool, personal and artsy. I cut my hair on august or July ,I don't know I was watching twin peaks for the first time when I did. Which was amazing one of my most beautiful memories when it comes to tv series, which include:
Daria, American Horror Story, Freaks and Geeks and My so-called Life (I'm totally over Jordan Catalano)
Having a blog is like a not so much private diary which is fun cause you can interact with other people's diaries with no need of literally being a noisy diary reader, cause they want you to read it, I love that feeling, it's intimacy in a very strange way.
*The dreamers, directed by Bernardo Bertolucci : This film is amazing, to begin with the whole 1968 student movement around the world is very appealing to me, I find all of the student movements around the world so near to me, one of those things that really touches me, the rebellion, the non-conformity, the support, the lack of apathy all of these are things that our generation is needing, we need to embrace all the things we got and fight for it, and make history. Although this film is more about the odd relationship of a brother and sister and their new cinephile american friend, they recreate in a peculiar way a lot of legendary film scenes, this takes part in their little game and it's just beautifully done it's based in a book called The Holy Innocents by Bertolucci himself, plus Jean-Pierre Léaud is in it, which is stellar !
*Dans la maison, directed by François Ozon: The story is so freaky and incredibly smart, Ernst Umhauer is brilliant, his performance it's breathtaking, I might sound like a cheap film critic but I swear, he literally took everyone's breath away, so dark and obscure and interesting, he's a dream come true, excellent actor, I reckon, there's no one that could've done his work better than he did, absolutely amazing, the screenplay is SO well done, I'm amazed by how much change a story can get from the way is told, one of my ultimate favourite contemporary stories. You don't know what's real and what isn't, which is the ultimate greatest accomplishment in stories and/or films, in my opinion.
"le parfum d’une femme
de la classe moyenne"
*Veneno para las hadas, directed by Carlos Enrique Taboada : I cannot even describe how attached and psyched I'm about this film, I love everything about it, it might be my static favourite film, first let's talk about Taboada, he's one of my favourite directors, he's brilliant, he's such a genius everything he did, was and will continue to be the greatest Mexican thrillers of all time, he's so creepy and dark and he takes so much care about the visuals and every detail, I might be in love, if you haven't seen any Mexican cinematography this movie is a great way to start. I'm not even going to get into details about the story, please just watch it, you won't regret it.
"¿Cómo se hace un pacto con el diablo?"
*Buffalo '66, directed by Vincent Gallo: This film is about something so simple, but shows so many deep feelings so many profound feelings, it's one of those films that really touches the deepest parts of your heart, I love the reality of emotions, the imperfect love, and the way Cristina Ricci and Vincent Gallo couldn't be more perfect for their roles, it's such a simple story but with so much within it, it's full of emotion, plus Anjelica Houston is in it, and she's my biggest girl crush apart from Winona Ryder. I'm not going to spoil it for you, but I will say the tap scene is so .... I'm speechless, it's just so good so subtly beautiful and minimalistic.
"We are a couple that doesn't touch"
*Un Chien Andalou, directed by Luis Buñuel: While I was watching this short film I found myself being just emerged by the beauty of it. When it comes to surrealistic art, I don't try to understand it, I just want to feel it, to breath it, I want to engage with the film, then it just comes back to my brain at any point later on and starts making some sense or not any sense, but it comes back and talks to me again, it's a hell of experience, I love Buñuel's work, he's a huge inspiration for me, in a way he has shown me that I don't have to worry about my artistic process so harshly, cause it will just knock at my door and say hi, I'm here write me down, draw me or put me in one of your films, it's more about getting the idea instead of knowing every single bit of the inspiration, then the inspiration gets dull and uninteresting cause you already know that thing from the bottom to the top. Also I think David Lynch got the idea of the ear full of ants from this.
*The Vanished World of Gloves, directed by Jirí Barta: Describing this film would be as hard as describing air, or the taste of water, It's just impossible so I won't try but I will say that the level of artistic visuals in this short film reaches a top in my brain, like an explosion of love towards something,it blows my mind, it's exquisite, plus is Czech, I love Czech cinematography, Czechs have a way of doing cinema that just overcomes all of my expectations.
*Valerie a týden divů, directed by Jaromil Jireš: Keeping it up with the Czech amazing cinematography, this film brings everything I look forward in a film, I love it so much it hurts, it's a surrealist film and that means happiness for me, and also a lot of joy, it's so beautiful in every single way , I kind of like getting to my own conclusions when it comes to the story, it makes me feel like there's a whole lot of possibilities and they're all in my brain, I really think Valerie is the perfect heroin and victim at the same time, that right there is magical.
I will be posting more of this type of post maybe next month, my beret is getting here soon, and I'm excited I'll finally look like a cliché new wave French director !
Hello people! As you can see I'm focusing a lot more in making short films at the moment trying to find different ways of falling in love with films and all the magic that's behind the whole process.
I don't know if I've mention it before on my blog but I finally discovered the career path that I want, which is cinematography, it took me a lot to realize what I really wanted, I realize I've been through so many phases, LET'S SEE chronologically(if I can remember all of them correctly) I wanted to be :
an actress,a model, a designer, a photographer, an artist, a writer, an actress again, a writer and finally a film maker.
I say it took me a lot to realize because I didn't quite understand back then what was my passion, or what did I wanted to do for the rest of my life.
When I was 15 going on 16 I was literally so social secluded, I didn't wanted to be friends with anyone, I spent my whole summer laying around in my room, watching films and being depressed, I would also get incredibly unattainable crushes over people I would never even meet,which made me more depressed.
I was on tumblr a lot and I was watching three to four films per day, I have to admit this was a very sad moment for me, I had no ambition and/or motivation, but there was something that excited me: nothing more than movies, they would give me hope and I would be excited for at least for 1 or 2 and a half hours and if I was lucky even more. I was very aware of my love for the cinema since I can remember but I don't think being a writer/film maker was in my options for at least one moment, I have never even thought about it, since that summer I decided I wanted to be an actress and I still want to, I think it's such and amazing way of art; transforming yourself into someone or something completely blown out of proportions, I specially wanted to be a part in psychological deep surrealist films Buñuel, Dalí and Magritte being my major surrealist influences, but though I do and did wanted to be an actress I was kind of conflicted about trying it, it's like one of things that you've never ever tried but the simple fact of trying them scares you so much to the point that you don't want to tried them cause you're terrified that they turn out hideously.
After all this emotions I finally realized that I wanted to make films around my late 16's, now that I'm 17 I see my 16 year old self very lost, very confused, extremely self destructive and unaware of the possibilities, I'm not saying I'm not totally lost right now, cause I am, I'm extremely existentialist and pessimist about whether I have or don't have any talent, but I guess there's no point where I would be sure about what I want cause I really don't even know what's going to happen tomorrow(metaphorically), but I just know that letting myself feel bad and be lonely wasn't pure pain it also meant a huge discovery which is my passion and what I would be happy to do for the rest of my life, something that I love with a love that I've never in y whole life experienced, the problem now, is fear of everything about my future, I'm still very socially secluded but now I care even less than what I did a year before about other people's negativity and that makes me feel kind of proud of that tiny but meaningful transformation.
This very short footage is kind of like an autobiography I was asked to do for school, and I've been asked to do this SO MANY TIMES, and the only thing that follows a pattern when it comes to this work is always turning out to be extremely boring, talking about things like: where I was born , where did I studied (which is basically everything I've done in this 17 years of living), my family and all these things that don't even represent the sightless bit of who I am, so I said to myself, just do this autobiography of your most deepest thoughts and emotions, I was shocked of how much sadness I had when I wrote it, having this project being a work for school I didn't wanted it to be explicit (opening myself like some reality tv celebrity) but I did wanted to be truthful cause that for me is a very beautiful thing, so I wrote a surrealist biography with very intense feelings that I used to have or still do, but with very vague descriptions, I felt very happy about this for the first time when writing this "autobiographies" because when it comes to living I haven't done anything exciting or fun to read, I'm some middle class boring teenager with struggles but I definitely don't want to pity myself cause I'm lucky and privileged , so I talked about my emotions which are conflicting and interesting characters instead of just talking about the boring monotonous rumbling of life. That's why I love surrealism an metaphors so much.
The pictures in my last post are inspired by this poem even though the sky in the pictures is not pink, I wish it was because everything feels so much better when it is. I decided to post this because anna commented that she was interested in it so I felt motivated to post my crappy writing. Hope you enjoy reading it.
The girl in this video I called "El vomito de una extraña" for various hidden reasons is my beautiful and lovely younger sister, Claudia, shout out to Claudia for letting me make her do whatever I wanted, even though she was sick.
I hope you are feeling nice and poetic today, cause at the end that's all we got, our emotions.
I took these on the first days of summer, when expectations were high and fun was the topic in my mind, I really enjoyed summer and I can say it was the best summer of my life, there weren't any huge massive events happening , but for the first time in months I felt nice and happy, the girl in the pictures is my sister and this whole shoot was inspired by a poem I made called "at 8:03 the sky is a strawberry cake", I really enjoyed shooting them since it was my first shoot in ages.